The problem of talking about problems. Most people don’t like it when other people talk about their problems. On the flip side, lots of people don’t like to talk about their problems either. So should we talk about our problems? Or should we stay silent? Maybe something in between? And if it’s the in-between approach – how do we decide when to talk and when to stay silent?
Of course, sometimes our problems are such that the image to the right is what we need. A therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. An expert to help us get through things.
And yes, there are some people who just love to talk about their problems. Like to be the center of attention. Or, in a way, to brag about their misery. Truth be told, most people don’t like to hear it – nothing but woe is me. And most people don’t like to do that either.
But I’m going to address the question of talking about our problems from a different point of view.
Should we talk about our problems?
There are times when talking about our problems really is the right thing to do. Certainly not for the reasons I just gave above, where it’s pretty much all we do and / or it’s to get attention.
No – I’m talking about when we do it to help someone else. Like at times when someone we know is going through something we’ve already experienced. It’s hard for us guys, but I don’t mean to tell them how to “fix it”. I’ve had people do that to me, and it’s not what I needed or wanted.
Sometimes what we need is what’s often called the “women’s approach”. I don’t say that in a mean way. In fact, I’m saying that we guys sometimes need to be like that. Sometimes, when people want to talk about a problem, we should mostly just listen. And if we’ve “been there”, we can be supportive and to at least some extent be understanding. But we don’t have to tell them, “here’s what you need to do.”
But you know what? That’s not us talking about our problems. That’s us listening. And it’s a good thing, when done right. But it’s still not what I want to cover.
When should we talk about our problems?
As Christians, there are times when I believe we really should talk about our problems.
Prayer requests
Of course, there are times in small groups, Bible study, life groups, Etc. when people are asked if they have any prayer requests. In broad terms, problems that are occurring where we ask for prayer from others in the group.
There are several examples of this in the New Testament.
In Paul’s letter to the church in Colosse:
Further Instructions
Col 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. 3 And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. 4 Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. 5 Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
And in Paul’s second letter to the Thessalonian church:
Request for Prayer
2Th 3:1 Finally, brothers, pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you. 2 And pray that we may be delivered from wicked and evil men, for not everyone has faith. 3 But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen and protect you from the evil one. 4 We have confidence in the Lord that you are doing and will continue to do the things we command. 5 May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.
But still, this isn’t why I asked the question – should we talk about our problems?
Talking about our problems to help others
There are actually times when we can help others by talking about our problems. Then, the issue becomes one of when this is the appropriate thing to do. There are times and places.
For instance, when you’re at a sporting event – beginning a conversation like, “I’ve really struggled with ______” (fill in the blank with one of your own problems) would be really inappropriate.
However, there are times when it’s very appropriate. In fact, there are times when, as Christians, it’s exactly what we should do. It’s even what we are commanded to do. For instance:
Lk 22:31 “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. 32 But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”
There’s no context here, but many of you know where the passage comes from. In this case, no context is needed. Everything we should know is right there in those two verses.
Peter (Simon) is going to be put to a test by Satan. God is going to allow it to happen. We also know that Peter’s going to fail the test. Notice – Jesus said when you have turned back. That’s letting Peter know that he’s going to “turn away” from God. That he’s going to fail.
So after Peter fails – and after he turns back to God, Jesus tells him to strengthen your brothers.
Guess what? The only way Peter can do what Jesus just told him to do is to talk about his problems.
If Peter doesn’t talk about what happened, including what brought him to turn back to God – how else can he possibly strengthen his brothers? Answer – he can’t.
So Jesus told Peter, just as He tell’s us (Christians) that we are to talk about our problems. Not to be the center of attention. Not to brag about them. To strengthen our brothers and sisters.
There’s another reason as well. One that Jesus kind of hints at, but doesn’t say directly. Remember Jesus said, when you have turned back. Peter won’t turn back of his own effort or power. No way. After all, it was by using his own strength and power against Satan’s test that caused him to turn away in the first place. Peter using his own strength and power is what led to failure.
No, it’s only by not using his own capabilities that Peter was able to turn back. It was by using the power of the Holy Spirit, rather than his own, that Peter was able to turn back to God. Please see Blessed are the poor in spirit for more on our power versus the power of the Holy Spirit.
So ultimately, through the whole process – testing, failing, returning, strengthening – the glory goes not to Peter, but to God.
That’s why it’s not only appropriate, but essential, that Christians talk about our problems. Even the prayer requests that we looked at early are prayers that God will help us through our problems. Not for us to solve them. Not even for God to necessarily solve them. And as we saw with Peter, not necessarily for God to prevent them. Prayer is for God to get us through them, in whatever way He chooses.
Talking about our problems to help others – examples.
Here are two examples to illustrate the point. Instances where Paul writes about “strength”.
First – from Ephesians:
A Prayer for the Ephesians
Eph 3:14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Eph 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
And second – 2 Thessalonians:
Stand Firm
2Th 2:13 But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. 14 He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. 15 So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter.
2Th 2:16 May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, 17 encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
What about testing?
Christians generally think about stuff like what happened with Peter being relating to testing us.
Jas 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
We read this, and tend to think it’s about us as individuals. One of us is tested. One of us will be strengthened by it. Even when it’s like a “group” test, it’s about that group.
No matter what, whoever is being tested – perseverance is needed by the individual or group. Faith grows either in the group or the individual – depending on the situation.
But I’m suggesting that this approach is too limiting.
Jesus clearly told Peter to strengthen his brothers. And just as Peter was one of Jesus’ disciples, if we’re Christian, then we also are His disciples. Therefore, that same command – strengthening our brothers and sisters – applies to us.
Conclusion – Talking about our problems to help others
Maybe we don’t want anyone to do this. We don’t like listening to other people’s problems. We don’t know how to react. We feel bad for them. Or maybe we think we’ve gone through worse stuff and they’re just wimps. All sorts of reactions are possible.
Maybe we don’t want to do this ourselves. We don’t like to talk about our problems. Maybe we don’t even want to admit we have problems. It can be embarrassing.
Well – think about Peter. Peter was the guy who told Jesus, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death.” And then he promptly did exactly what Jesus told him he’d do. He was sifted as wheat. He failed his test. How embarrassing must that have been for Peter?
And yet, after he turned back, by the power of the Holy Spirit, Peter also did the other thing Jesus told him. Peter strengthened his brothers. As we already saw – this could only have been done by talking about it.
The key here is that Peter did it by the power of the Holy Spirit. As Christians – we should be able to do the same thing. Not for us. But for others. For others who may have already gone through the same or a similar situation – but don’t yet know what to do. Or maybe for someone who’s actually going through it now. Not to mention, someone who’s listening but hasn’t experienced it – yet – but will in the future.
Who knows. maybe the reason some things happen to us is mostly, or even completely, about us telling someone else. Maybe hearing encouragement from us, having survived the problem, is the things that gets them to turn to God. And from them turning to God, they get through it. And bring more glory to God.
So to me, talking about our problems is something that we should, even must, do. It’s about helping others. Maybe those other people are Christian. But maybe they aren’t. Maybe what we said is what prompted them to turn to God and become Christians. No matter what, it’s about bringing glory to God – because He’s the one who got us through those problems.
So when the time is right – and the same Holy Spirit that will help you talk about your problems will let you know when the time is right – go for it. Some might not want to hear, but it’s good for them to hear it. Others might not tell you, but they’ll be happy that you did – if not now, then maybe later, maybe never.
And if you never find out, that’s OK. Because it’s not about us anyway. It’s about Jesus.
Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay
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