It’s OK to talk to someone who has cancer. We don’t cease to be people just because we have cancer. Life does continue. We are still the same people.
It's OK to talk to someone who has cancer is article #20 in the series: Do not waste your cancer. Click button to view titles for entire series
I left home for my radiation treatment, as usual, this morning. A neighbor that I’ve known ever since I moved into the neighborhood, maybe 18 years ago, was walking his dog. Everyone around here with a dog pretty much knows everyone else with a dog. Talking a bit when we see each other is normal.
This morning I had a bottle of water I have to drink before the treatment and a soft bag, kind of like a reusable shopping bag. He asked if I was going to get some exercise. Like many of the “dog people”, he knows about my cancer and the treatment. So I just told him that’s where I was going.
He got all nervous, then told me I’ll get better. Every day. And then hurried off.
Obviously, he was uncomfortable with the situation. And I get it. I understand. I used to be like him. The key though is “used to be”. Now, I’m on the other side. Forever changed by being on this side. Instead of not wanting to talk to people who were ill with something like cancer or some other problem, now I’m the one people might not want to talk to.
It’s OK to talk to someone who has cancer
But it’s OK to talk to someone who has cancer. Or some other illness you’re afraid of.
The thing that maybe makes his behavior so striking to me is that he’s Christian. And he knows me.
That’s as opposed to people at the church I go to, who are also Christian (obviously at least most of them are), however not all of them know me. But some of those I don’t know ask me how I’m feeling. People I don’t know are praying for me. And, while it’s not a lot because I’m far from outgoing, “normal” (for me) conversations still take place.
It can happen.
Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.
Maybe you’ve heard that we should walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. of course, it’s very difficult to do. We each have our own lives. Our own backgrounds/experiences. And our own current problems to deal with.
And yet, even non-Christians have the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. No, not my father’s version – do unto others before they do unto you.
Maybe you know the origin of that saying. Something Jesus said. Interestingly, it’s part of a statement on love for enemies. But then, f it’s for enemies, how much more should we be able to do it for friends and acquaintances?
Love for Enemies – Luke
6:29, 30 pp — Mt 5:39-42
Lk 6:27 “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Lk 6:32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
One more time:
31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Even if we don’t walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, we probably do know how we want people to treat us.
Most people, not even the introvert in me, want to be suddenly ignored by people I would normally interact with.
This begs a question. Does someone with cancer all of a sudden become an enemy to someone they already know, just because they have cancer? Or any illness/condition that makes someone else uncomfortable? I don’t think so.
I think it’s just that we make some people very uncomfortable.
It’s OK to talk to someone who has cancer. As I said, I totally get it. But now, on the other side, I also get that it’s something we should try not to do. Probably a fear we should try to get over. Not that it’s necessarily easy.
But here’s one more popular saying that might help.
But for the grace of God, there go I.
In this case, but for the grace of God, I could have cancer, and some people won’t feel comfortable interacting with me anymore.
Except now, I do have cancer. And things I never considered before are now all too obvious.
Conclusion – It’s OK to talk to someone who has cancer
So here’s the thing about all that.
If you (I can’t really say me/we anymore) step out of your comfort zone, continue to be friends with someone got cancer, or even start to befriend someone who has cancer, you’re probably doing them a great favor.
However, even more than that, you may be doing yourself a great favor.
Your friendship may have an impact on your life.
There’s a crossing guard at the hospital. He’s just so friendly. Says Hi to everyone. Encourages everyone. And will take a few moments to speak with them if the traffic isn’t busy.
But, it’s the reason he does this that’s just amazing. He has a strong family history of cancer. He doesn’t have it yet. But he expects that one day, he will. And so he’s paying it forward. Helping others while he’s healthy, with the hope that others who are healthy will be there for him when he’s not healthy anymore.
And while he may not say it himself, that’s the kind of thing that encourages others to do the same.
Oh yeah. He’s one more person praying for me to come through every day feeling good, and the treatment to leave me without cancer.
All this came about because one day, I stopped to tell him that I love to walk past him on the way to my treatment because he’s so encouraging.
Your friendship may have an impact on your next life.
You may also run into someone like me. Someone who’s trying to live out something else Jesus said.
Salt and Light
Mt 5:13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
Mt 5:14 “You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
If/when someone asks me how I can have so much peace and yes, even joy, as I go through radiation treatment, I’m more than willing to talk to them/you about God. About what’s really important.
One person, who I didn’t know, was quite shocked when I said being cured isn’t the most important thing.
God will cure me, if it’s in His will. And people are praying for that. To be sure, I appreciate it. But I always ask people to pray for my doctors and care team. God gave me great people on all counts. I also ask for the ability, physically and spiritually, to continue doing the teaching and writing that I’ve been doing these past 10+ years. Again, prayers answered.
But what if I’m not cured? What’s the worst that can happen? I’d wake up in Heaven. And hopefully I hear, Well done, good and faithful servant!
If you talk to someone like me, they’ll tell you something along those lines. And maybe you’ll take to heart what you hear. If you already know Jesus, it can strengthen your faith. If you don’t know Him, maybe it can be the beginning of a journey to have what we have. The peace from God and the joy of being with Him even in the bad times.
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