Sometimes I wonder, is there anybody here but me? The world’s such a big place. And there are so many people. And yet, it can also feel so alone. In a similar way, we Christians believe in such a big God. He’s everywhere, we believe. And yet, sometimes it can feel so alone. Does that mean God’s not as big as we think? Or that He maybe doesn’t even exist?
Three questions. Big questions. Questions that lots of us ask.
But what about some answers? It’s tempting to say, in reverse order, yes, yes, and no. It does feel that way sometimes. Like the past week or so. Since my last visit to check on the “progress” of my prostate cancer.
I still haven’t been able to write about it. The results of the visit, that is. This is about how I’ve felt since then. Maybe things are getting better. At least I can begin to feel the answers are actually, again in reverse order, no, no, and yes.
Sometimes I wonder, is there anybody here but me? is article #8 in the series: Do not waste your cancer. Click button to view titles for entire seriesIn the image, is there anybody here but me?
Judging from the black and white image of the person sitting on top of the hill/mountain, looking down onto the world, the answer must be no, there isn’t anybody here but me. By the way, that includes God isn’t here either.
And yet, I know in my head that’s not the case. Fortunately, although it does get lost from time to time, I also know in my heart it’s not true.
Therefore, the answers to the questions are:
- Does my/your/our feeling alone mean God doesn’t exist?
- No. Just because I can’t feel/sense/believe God doesn’t exist doesn’t mean He ceases to exist. Nor does it mean He never existed. Just that there’s a disconnect somewhere.
- Does my/your/our feeling alone mean God’s not as big as we think He is – that He’s not everywhere?
- Again, no. Any disconnect, no matter the reason, doesn’t make God any smaller. It makes our sense of Him “smaller”. Maybe even non-existent for some time. In a sense, it makes us “smaller”, by way of our perception of God. But it doesn’t change God in any way.
- Is there anybody here but me?
- Of course, there is. There are other people, even if I choose to not go out and see them. Or if I choose to see through them. Or even ignore them. I know – all those are “wrong”. And yet, in the moment, during the depression times, “wrong” doesn’t always register. It’s almost survival mode comes first. And maybe not even almost. Whether it’s people or God, they are still there. No matter how much I/you/we try to make it not so.
As I said, we’ve probably all felt like there’s no one here but us. For some of us, it’s more frequent than others. For more on that, I invite you to check out, Christian and depressed. How is that possible?
Who else is there?
Sometimes things like this are really hard to get out of. Even as I/you/we know what’s happening, we also can’t seem to get out of it either.
Getting out of this one, actually, beginning to get out of this one, started yesterday. I’m leading a study on The Parables of Jesus before church on Sundays. I mostly wanted to cancel yesterday’s session. Convinced myself it wouldn’t be any good because of how I was feeling. Almost did cancel it.
But there was a problem. The problem is something else I believe. Something we even ended up talking about yesterday. Not because of how I felt. Instead, because of the weird but wonderful ways God works, it was part of the writeup we’re studying now – Jesus told parables. Was He hiding something? It was about Psalm 139. Here’s an excerpt from it, in Search me, know my heart, test me.
Search me
Search me means search all of me. Search my heart means search what’s inside of me. The things we do when we think no one’s watching. Or at least when no one we know is watching, because maybe we think strangers don’t count. But they do.
Searching will also show the things we didn’t do. Things we should have. Like when we could have helped, but chose not to. The times when we put God low on our list of priorities.
Not to mention the things we think but rarely, if ever, utter when someone else is around to hear.
The Psalm concludes with:
Ps 139:24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
And that’s the weird and wonderful way God worked to begin to get me out of this. By leading me to do the class, we talked about Psalm 139. It was a really good session, I think/hope/pray. For sure, it wasn’t good due to me being in a good place or doing a great job. ‘Cause I wasn’t. Rather, it was because God was showing me something by leading me someplace.
And I didn’t fight Him on it. I went with Him. And now, looking back on the past week, I can begin to see why the trip to the top of that dark mountain might have been needed. At the very least, how God used it. Either way, I know, again, there is somebody here besides me. Even with me.
Conclusion – Sometimes I wonder, is there anybody here but me?
When I sat down at the computer, I had this idea of how I was going to approach this. That got me the first paragraph.
But starting with the first letter of the first word of the second paragraph, all my plans went out the window. Well, not literally. It’s too hot here. The windows are all closed ’til this evening when it cools down.
Anyway, my original plan was to do something with the song from which my title comes. It’s Is there anybody here but me?, sung by Laura Branigan.
The song is kind of haunting. Partly because it’s in a minor key. And partly because of the words.
I know some people hate it when I do this, use non-Christian songs when I write about God. But hey – if God really is everywhere, which we Christians are supposed to believe, then He should also be in songs like this.
So, here’s why I chose this one. Obviously, I know the song. And I really like it. Yes, it’s more than a little sad. But sometimes, maybe oftentimes. so is life. And whatever relationships we have with people, they’re a dim, fuzzy, fraction of the relationship we have with God. So, with that, here are the lyrics to Is anybody here but me?
Sitting in ‘la castlette’
The same place we first met
Trying to talk it out before ‘the fall’
You look the other way
I struggle for the words to say
Feels like I’m talking to the wall
I can hear them play our song
But somehow it sounds all wrong
In a lost romance, dancing a lonely dance
With a heart that doesn’t beat as much
Fingers that have lost their touch
Looking into eyes that just don’t see
We dance a little loud at times
I laugh when I feel like crying
Is there anybody here but me
Two silhouettes in the dark
So close, so far apart
Going through the motions of the past
The night is coming to an end
It’s getting harder to pretend
But still we try to keep this love alive
With a heart that doesn’t beat as much
Fingers that have lost their touch
Looking into eyes that just don’t see
We dance a little loud at times
I laugh when I feel like crying
Is there anybody here but me
Never dreamed what we started could end like this
Lovers saying goodbye with a stranger’s kiss
With a heart that doesn’t beat as much
Fingers that have lost their touch
Looking into eyes that just don’t see
We dance a little loud at times
I laugh when I feel like crying
Is there anybody here but me
Is there anybody here but me
Is there anybody here but me
I can take all those words, and use them to describe how I’ve felt about my lack of an apparent relationship with God this past week. Actually, any number of past time periods. But the song really hit me this week. I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve “said”, “It’s just you and me, God” – when I feel down and don’t want to talk to people. But when I feel like it’s just me, no one else, when I ask if there is anybody here but me, that’s really hitting the bottom.
So the song fits.
And yet, it s good sense, it doesn’t. But in that way, it’s also a good song for when I feel like this.
Check out the words below.
Never dreamed what we started could end like this
Lovers saying goodbye with a stranger’s kiss
With a heart that doesn’t beat as much
Fingers that have lost their touch
Looking into eyes that just don’t see
We dance a little loud at times
I laugh when I feel like crying
Is there anybody here but me
Is there anybody here but me
Is there anybody here but me
It’s hard to feel like that, when the target of the words is God. Like it’s over. Maybe not totally over, but like He’s not with me.
But here’s the thing. I also know that this isn’t the end. I’m not saying goodbye to God. I’m saying I don’t feel You. And God didn’t say goodbye to me. He’s patiently waiting for me to return to Him. As I’m doing even now.
Some thoughts on using Is there anybody here but me?
I’ve written stuff like this before. Using secular music to talk write about God. There’s a category for them – Seeing God in non-Christian music. As I mentioned, some people don’t like it when I do that. For this one, I wrote what follows as, not necessarily a defense of doing it, but at least to show that the process I go through isn’t all that different from what’s in the Bible. So, what follows is along those lines.
If you happen to not like the analogy, go read Psalms. For instance, Psalm 51. Which Christian will say David was wrong to feel like he did when He wrote that Psalm?
Psalm 51
For the director of music. A psalm of David. When the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.
…
Ps 51:10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Ps 51:11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Ps 51:12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
…
And if you happen to think any one of us has never committed adultery, maybe it’s time to rethink that?
For instance, try reading Hosea. You don’t even have to read the whole thing. Just the first few verses are enough.
Hosea’s Wife and Children
Hos 1:2 When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, “Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD.” 3 So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.
…
Yes, that’s Old Testament. Old Covenant. But we’re New Covenant. And yet, adultery is still wrong, isn’t it? Not only that, but adultery means, as Hosea’s situation and his prophecy indicate, much more than “just” adultery. Remember, the passage included – because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD.
Trust me, it wasn’t the physical land that was adulterous. It was the people. God’s people. And it was more than just the normal definition of adultery. I looked for a commentary to express, in a few words, what that short phrase meant. Instead, I found something a bit disappointing. And yet, sadly, all too real. All too common. Here’s but one example.
1:2 Hosea’s marriage is interwoven with his prophetic work. Hosea was to understand Israel’s unfaithfulness to the Lord in all its tragedy through the betrayal of his own wife Gomer, described here as “a wife of harlotry.” To consider the marriage allegorical, is highly unlikely because of the details presented in the narrative, which are not symbolic and are presented as historical facts (vv. 3, 8; Hos. 3:2). Others suggest that the marriage actually occurred and that Gomer was unchaste, perhaps even a temple prostitute, at the time. However, again this does not seem an appropriate conclusion since genuine affection on the part of Hosea for Gomer would seem difficult if not impossible under such circumstances.
Hosea as a prophet would have been sensitive to the law forbidding such a union (Lev. 21:7, 14). Thus, it seems more likely that God did not instruct Hosea to marry a harlot; rather Hosea married Gomer, who was presumably chaste at the time, and she bore Hosea a son. In this case, the description is taken proleptically (with the future act presented as already existing). After Gomer married Hosea, she allowed harlotry to rule in her heart. The children she bore were given names, according to God’s instruction, symbolic of the severe break in the covenant relationship between God and His unfaithful people. This latter view also more closely paralleled God’s experience with His people Israel (vv. 2, 6, 7, 9; Hos. 2:2–13). Israel was presented to Yahweh as chaste (Jer. 2:2, 3), but He knew even then that she would play the harlot and become unfaithful. 1Thomas Nelson, I. (1995). The Woman’s Study Bible (Ho 1:2). Thomas Nelson.
Quite a bit of that is what I refer to as getting lost in the weeds. All those words about whether it was an allegory or actually, literally happened. Did some of those things really happen, or were they proleptically (with the future act presented as already existing)? It’s all well and good for the technical scholars, the requirements to publish, and various other discussions that people will always be involved in.
But what’s the core issue? Hosea’s marriage is interwoven with his prophetic work. Hosea was to understand Israel’s unfaithfulness to the Lord in all its tragedy through the betrayal of his own wife Gomer, described here as “a wife of harlotry.”
And therefore, when we, today’s Christians, consider the word adultery, we must remember that adultery includes turning away from God. And maybe it’s even worse than that? After all, consider Jesus’ words on adultery.
Adultery
Mt 5:27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”
Taken in light of everything else we just looked at, from David to Hosea, does that mean when (not if, but when) we look at another “god” with a desire to follow that god – does that mean we committed adultery against our God?
I suspect it does. In fact, it’s hard to imagine it any other way. After all, Jesus also said the words below in answer to a question about the greatest commandment.
The Greatest Commandment – Matthew
22:34-40 pp — Mk 12:28-31
Mt 22:34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Mt 22:37 Jesus replied: “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Think about it. “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ But we look at other “gods” and want to follow them. We even do it, from time to time. Money. Sports. Power. Whatever. Is that adultery against God? Better question, how is that not adultery against God?
Almost the Final conclusion on Sometimes I wonder, is there anybody here but me?
Ultimately, I have to ask something. Especially of anyone who doesn’t like what I wrote. How I got to where I did. If this is what comes from using non-Christian music to look at my/our lives, how is it somehow “wrong”? If I use human life to look at our relationship with God, then how is Song of Songs OK? If Solomon can write that, why can’t I write this?
At its core, everything in our lives should be about our relationship with God. How else can we express it other than in human terms? Jesus spoke to people in terms and using events they understood 2,000 years ago. Would He still speak to us today with those same words, descriptions, events, Etc? Or would He use things that we can relate to today?
His message hasn’t changed. We have. However, as long as we stay true to Jesus’ message, I don’t see a problem in putting it in human terms that people can at least understand what I’m talking about. What we’re talking about. Is it really different from what Jesus did when He spoke in Parables? And isn’t the Holy Spirit still required to truly understand the deeper meaning?
Final, Final conclusion on Sometimes I wonder, is there anybody here but me?
My other reason for using this song is this. I write these because I feel like it’s what God wants me to do. Especially for the last six years or so. I’ve been doing it for more than ten years, but it kind of took on much more meaning after an event in my life. God – is it time for me to go home? I see how many times people at least start to read something. And I see that you are coming from almost every country in the world. As of this writing, 210 different countries.
But I always wonder, how many people actually read what I write? How many finish? How many get something out of it? Is there anybody here but me? I don’t know. I just have to trust God that I’m really doing what He wants. And in that way, the question remains. Is there anybody here but me?
Image by Public Co from Pixabay
Footnotes
- 1Thomas Nelson, I. (1995). The Woman’s Study Bible (Ho 1:2). Thomas Nelson.