God – is it time for me to go home?

Lord, is it time for me to go home?  

I asked this question a couple of weeks ago.  

For those that don’t know what it means, it’s like “Christianese” for “Am I dying”, with an assumption that death will be followed by going to Heaven.

I was in the hospital – got admitted through emergency when they found a 7 cm area of infection.  Lots of tests – 24×7 IV drips with saline and broad spectrum antibiotics.  Since they didn’t really know what caused it – they also didn’t know how to treat it – so standard practice was followed.

After a few days of this, I had what might have been a dream, maybe a prayer, maybe ???

It started off with the question – 
Lord, is it time for me to go home?

At the time, there was no reason for me to be asking that question – or even thinking about it.  After the tests / procedures, there was an emergency surgery that went better than expected.  It was all done with a few small incisions.  The plan was to start with that, but the expectation was to have to make bigger ones in order to clean up the “mess”.  It wasn’t needed – and the final prognosis is a 75% chance that it still won’t be needed.  It seemed like all good news, given the situation.

But still – I was asking the question.

I received no answer from God, so I took that as meaning I should continue.

I said, “After all the times I would have welcomed a ‘Yes’ answer, I feel like I have more to offer here”.

If you’ve read anything I’ve written about my past, you would know that answer is shocking.  There are times I wanted so badly to reach the end of this life and go to live in God’s Kingdom.  To be saying I have more to offer here in this life instead of “going home” is beyond belief.  And yet – I said it.  It is something I’ve spoken to the senior pastor at church about – that I really should find ways to use the gifts God has given me.  But here, when it comes right down to it, I was still surprised to “hear” me saying this.

God still had no response, so I continued.  

“If you want me to come home, I’m OK with that.  If you want me to stay here and do more for you, I’m OK with that too.  Whatever you want, I’m good with it.”


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