So, it begins again. I started active surveillance for prostate cancer early in 2020. Now, two years later, after surgery for removal became necessary, I’m in active surveillance for cancer again. We’ll get to how that happened in a moment. For today though, after going from surveillance to surgery and back to active surveillance, I can’t help but think about the guy in Mark’s Gospel who asked Jesus, “help me overcome my unbelief”.
Active surveillance for cancer again. Help me overcome my unbelief. is article #5 in the series: Do not waste your cancer. Click button to view titles for entire seriesHow do you get into active surveillance for cancer again?
How did I get back into active surveillance for cancer again? It’s surprisingly easy. Especially in times like these, with COVID running rampant and the healthcare system overwhelmed.
This is just one part of a series on my experiences wit faith and prostate cancer. However, if you haven’t read the previous ones, here’s the series of events that ocurred.
- PSA of 6.x – six point something. I know – rather low. But it was the upward trend that made my doctor to tell me to get it checked because he didn’t want to lose me to prostate cancer.
- Biopsy wasn’t bad enough for immediate action, so went into active surveillance.
- Six months later, COVID was really bad, so the MRI that was to take place was postponed.
- Another six months, the MRI was done. Nothing showed at all.
- Another six months, another biopsy. Much worse than expected. Surgery was scheduled.
- After biopsy recovery period, prostate was removed.
- Prostate was biopsied, to determine if all cancer was removed and do the decipher test to see how bad the cancer was.
- Cancer was worse than expected and in more areas of prostate.
- Cancer cells also found on the margins, so they didn’t get it all.
- Went to hospital that only deals with cancer.
And that brings us up to today’s topic. You can follow the links above if you want more info or details on any of the items above. Whether it’s for you or someone you know, it might help. That’s why this whole series is titled Don’t waste your cancer, after a small book of the same title written by John Piper. He is the inspiration behind what I’m writing on this topic.
Help me overcome my unbelief
Before going any further, I must explain the reference to Help me overcome my unbelief. It might seem odd coming from someone who’s written so much. And although I did leave God for a while, actually ran away, I can’t imagine doing that again.
In fact, somewhere along the line, I wrote something about that. If I can manage to find it, I’ll put the link in here. Found it: How can I leave you again? The point was that people who left God and later returned were far less likely to leave again.
In case you don’t remember where “help me overcome my belief” is from, here’s the passage.
The Healing of a Boy With a Demon – Matthew
17:14-19 pp — Mk 9:14-28; Lk 9:37-42
Funny things happen when we talk about demons, the devil, Satan, Etc. Christians know Jesus spoke of them, including Satan specifically. And we talk about the fallen world. But, when it comes to real life issues for ourselves, we really don’t want to talk about them.
The example below is very specific. Therefore, we can tell ourselves it doesn’t apply to us, and ultimately that demons aren’t real and don’t affect us. And yet, we also believe in evil. There is a disconnect there.
A further disconnect comes when we talk about our own failures. For instance, I’m well aware of my own belief that God does watch out for me. I also know that’s in the long term sense of having eternity in Heaven after this life is over. And I know the Bible talks about bad things happen, God allows them, and they are always for the ultimate good.
I know these things. And I believe them. But still, there are times I don’t live like I believe them. Why is that? We call it doubt about our faith. But where does that doubt come from? How can we believe the Holy Spirit helps us with out faith but not believe there’s an opposite/evil spiritual influence encouraging that doubt? I invite you to check out If you don’t believe in the devil, then … for more on the problem on not accepting that Satan exists.
If you do believe in the devil, then what follows makes sense. However, if you’re Christian but don’t believe in the devil, then I must ask – what do you do with this passage?
Mt 17:14 When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15 “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.”
This is how I felt when my oncologist first told me she wanted me to go on active surveillance for cancer again. Of course, it was a request for me and my situation. But it was Jesus I turned to.
I wish that had been my first thought. It wasn’t. My first thought was more like falling off a cliff. Depression. Going back into the surveillance mode that ended up with surgery after the cancer already spread beyond the prostate. I don’t believe that’s an unusual response. However, for some of us that feeling of initial depression is worse and lasts longer. Please see Christian and depressed. How is that possible? for more on that.
Mt 17:17 “O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment.
Does Jesus have that same response for me? I don’t know. Nearly seven years ago, I wrote Do you make Jesus pray in vain? Of course, the answer was, and is, yes. I wish it was at least less often. But then, I’m also extremely grateful that Jesus will always be there when I come out of it and do call out to Him.
And then, depending on various things, there’s a path out of the depression that begins to be accessible.
For those that think we should be able to “work our own way” out of things, the passage continues.
Mt 17:19 Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”
This is the disciples’ version of how come we couldn’t do it without You?
Mt 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Mt 17:22 When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. 23 They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.” And the disciples were filled with grief.”
Some translations also have verse 21, but the NIV does not:
[21 “But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”]
Jesus’ reply doesn’t sound good. Yes, the boy was healed. But the disciples were left filled with grief.
Well, that doesn’t sound too good for us either, does it? After all, we Christians are supposed to be today’s disciple’s! Are we also filled with grief?
Well, no. We shouldn’t be. Of course, we probably are for a while. I am. Until I remember this other passage.
The Disciples’ Grief Will Turn to Joy
Jn 16:17 Some of his disciples said to one another, “What does he mean by saying, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me,’ and ‘Because I am going to the Father’?” 18 They kept asking, “What does he mean by ‘a little while’? We don’t understand what he is saying.”
Jn 16:19 Jesus saw that they wanted to ask him about this, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I meant when I said, ‘In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me’? 20 I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. 21 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. 22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. 23 In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24 Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.
Jn 16:25 “Though I have been speaking figuratively, a time is coming when I will no longer use this kind of language but will tell you plainly about my Father. 26 In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. 27 No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. 28 I came from the Father and entered the world; now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”
Jn 16:29 Then Jesus’ disciples said, “Now you are speaking clearly and without figures of speech. 30 Now we can see that you know all things and that you do not even need to have anyone ask you questions. This makes us believe that you came from God.”
Jn 16:31 “You believe at last!”Jesus answered. 32 “But a time is coming, and has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me.
Jn 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
This is where realize a few things. God is with us through whatever happens, in the person of the Holy Spirit. Even if it seems bad for us, God is allowing it to happen. Maybe for reasons we don’t see or understand. But ultimately for a good purpose. And of course, the ultimate good purpose is about the next life, whether it be ours or someone else via what we go through.
Back on active surveillance for cancer again
And so I’m back on the active surveillance again. But with some differences.
Some of the differences are related to the doctor and the hospital. Christians usually pray for God to watch over our doctors, nurses, Etc. when things like this happen. After the surgery, one of the prayers for me was where to go. So now I’m at one of the best cancer facilities in the country. Their testing is more accurate and more frequent. And unlike general hospitals, they only treat cancer patients, so they don’t have to stop/greatly curtail operations because of COVID. I had to postpone one of my visits for a week to get a COVID test after a sinus problem showed a few of the Omicron symptoms. That’s far better than considering cancer issues as elective and not even seeing people, regardless of the COVID status of the cancer patient.
Of course, there are also the spiritual differences. As I’ve been writing this series, just the act of reviewing, researching, reading, praying, and writing gets all my thoughts together. Two-way prayer with the Holy Spirit involved make this process even more useful.
Active surveillance for cancer again. Help me overcome my unbelief.
Put this all together, and I have an expectation of how things will go.
If the cancer remains “undetectable”, then active surveillance will continue. I’m not sure how long, but at least for a few years at three month intervals. There will undoubtably be some amount of anxiety before each test. Keeping in mind what I said earlier about depression, and recognizing that anxiety is my main trigger for depression, I anticipate there will be some emotionally down times.
However, I also hope, through this process, that I will come to remember everything I just wrote more and more quickly. As I said in the other article, God’s peace doesn’t mean that we won’t feel anxiety or depression. However, it does provide us the way out of it. There’s a passage I always used to wonder about. One that talked about “a way out”.
Warnings From Israel’s History
1Co 10:1 For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. 2 They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. 3 They all ate the same spiritual food 4 and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. 5 Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.
1Co 10:6 Now these things occurred as examples to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did. 7 Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: “The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in pagan revelry.” 8 We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. 9 We should not test the Lord, as some of them did—and were killed by snakes. 10 And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.
1Co 10:11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
The question had to with the underlined verse 13. The background Paul gave was about the Exodus. They went through various things, were tempted in various ways during their travels.
While most of us don’t go through any kind of physical exodus like that, there are lessons for us.
As I alluded to above, there are all sorts of temptations that do come from Satan. Since anxiety and depression aren’t what God intended for us, then those feelings must come from Satan and his minions, the other fallen angels. Therefore, it’s reasonable to look at the combination of events and feelings of anxiety/depression being a form of temptation. A temptation to not believe God has our best interest in His heart.
Then, when we read, when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it, what you’ve read here can be at least one of the ways out. A way to remember that God is faithful, trustworthy, and therefore don’t need to be stuck in the feeling of anxiety and depression.
On the other hand, if cancer is detected, then the very same process should be enough to get me back in a good place after the crush of emotions that come with learning the cancer is back.
So – my goal is to track what goes on every three months. Partly for me. And hopefully, partly for any of you who go through this, or know someone else going through it. That was, after all, the whole point of the series Don’t waste your cancer.
See you in three months, if not sooner in another article.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay