Radiation treatment week 5 – a dark time or an opportunity?

Radiation treatment week 5. Is this a dark time or an opportunity? The hospital moves its staff from one room to another at the beginning of each month. There are a lot of good reasons to do that. For them. My initial feeling is that it’s not necessarily such a good thing for me.

Radiation treatment week 5 - a dark time or an opportunity? is article #23 in the series: Do not waste your cancer. Click button to view titles for entire series

I described it this way to some friends yesterday in my life group at church. March was like a bright sunny day. April is like being out in the middle of the desert on a cloudy night with no moon.

It’s like the adjacent image. It started as a sunny day in the desert. Then I ran it through some photo editing software and turned it into a dark night. It might look like total blackness. But if you zoom in enough, you will see some details. But not much.

The difference between the people has a huge impact. In March, it was actually a joy to go in for the treatment. They were outgoing and fun. They help take my mind off what’s really going on. That was a most surprising realization for an introvert like me.

But now in April, I feel like I’m bothering them, getting in the way of whatever it is they’d rather be doing.

If you read earlier parts of this series, you know I thanked God for the folks He brought in to be part of my care team in March. My initial feeling about April was that God must’ve decided I didn’t them anymore. Or maybe that He wanted me to lean more on Him than on them. Things like that.

But then, last night, someone pointed out that maybe God has me there for them.

Uh oh. Here’s the problem with that. I’m in the middle of writing something titled Do miserable Christians make you want to avoid church? over on my other site. Obviously, it’s not about hospitals or cancer treatments. However, it’s about people, including Christians, who are, among other things, self-centered. It goes into the impact we have on other people. But then, it also gets into how we, Christians especially, should treat other people who might be miserable in terms of anxiety, depression, self-centeredness, etc.

So when someone said maybe God has me in this dark desert night, it’s because He wants me to lighten it up, it was quite shocking. Remember, I’m the introvert. They are the ones who work with people all the time. I’m the one going through treatment. Most of the people here at the hospital are so nice, it’s surprising to find an entire group that’s so, well, whatever they are.

But honestly, I should know better. I do know better, in my head. That’s why it was so jarring to hear the words. I should’ve known that in my heart as well.

All things to all people – said Paul

Paul wrote something about being all things to all people. It’s in a section the NIV titles The Rights of an Apostle. Obviously, I’m not an apostle. However, there are things in the passage that do/should apply to Christians today. You can use the link in the section title to read the entire passage, but here’s the part that applies to today’s topic. Especially notice the underlined verses.

The Rights of an Apostle

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1Co 9:19 Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20 To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21 To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 23 I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

1Co 9:24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26 Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27 No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Paul’s focus in this passage is, unusually, on himself. However, it’s also apparent that he’s all things to all people so that he can share the gospel with them. And they too can be saved if they accept the offer of salvation through Jesus’ death on the cross.

That’s why he wrote about becoming weak to win the weak. And becoming like someone who doesn’t have the law to win over someone who doesn’t have the law. Of course, his examples aren’t meant to be exhaustive. That’s why he writes about all things to all people. Whatever they need in order to be willing to listen to the message.

Notice, it’s also not just getting into the Gospel message right away. We talk about God meeting people where they are. Paul’s essentially doing that same thing. And, uh oh, I guess we need to do that as well.

Do we need to be all things to all people?

No, we don’t need to be all things to all people. We aren’t all supposed to be like Paul, traveling all over the place and trying to relive his life. We’re to live our lives. The life God planned for us.

I didn’t specifically call it out yet, but let’s look at that all things verse.

I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.

Yes – I might save some. Even Paul didn’t save everyone he came in contact with. And if you remember, Paul didn’t even get to go to all the places he wanted to travel, at the time he wanted to go. God has a plan for Paul as well. So our task, like Paul, is to try to follow that plan as best as we can.

It’s a hard task. Especially at first. We don’t have an encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus like Paul did in Acts 9. (I encourage you to follow the link if you’re not familiar with the event.)

For us, it takes time. Time to learn. Time to grow our faith. And time to trust that God really does have our best life in His mind.

What about this question of whether it’s a dark time or an opportunity?

I’m kind of concerned about writing this down. Well, OK, typing. What does all this mean for me right now? Does God want to do something about this problem of whether it’s a dark time or an opportunity here in April?

Part of me is afraid the answer is yes. It’s easy to say, or to type, that we should be all things to all people, at the times when that’s what God desires from us. It’s quite another to actually do it, especially when it’s so far away from anything we’re comfortable with.

I mentioned earlier, I’m very much an introvert. Moreso, people often scare me. I also have a problem with anxiety. maybe that’s part of why, given my background and experiences with everyone from immediate family to total strangers, people scare me. And then I have times of depression as well. Being the outgoing person required to start a conversation with someone who doesn’t seem to really want to interact with me at all – that’s not on my list of things to do. Ever!

And yet, I have this feeling that’s exactly what’s going on here.

I’m listening to a Richard Marx song right now, “shoulda known better”. It wasn’t planned. It’s just on my playlist. Several days’ worth of songs. Of course, he’s singing about shoulda known better than to fall in love. I’m thinking, I shoulda known better than to bring the topic up last night. But then, I also know even more, that bringing it up is exactly what I should’ve done. Even though there are consequences to doing it.

Oops – just got called to go back for treatment. Will return after that. And after lunch.

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You know, one of the side effects of abdominal radiation is that it messes with your digestive system. I can’t eat all the healthy stuff I normally eat (normal for the last several years that is) keep me running to a restroom. Too much fiber and too much irritation from the radiation.

So now, for two months, I get to go back to the “good old days”. Two chili cheese pretzel bun dogs, not much fiber there, and a Coke. The Coke actually does help settle the stomach, but it’s way too much sugar for my taste now. Lunch was pretty good.

So what happened during the treatment today?

So, what was today’s treatment like? Was it another dark night in the desert? Or was it a sunny day? How about an early spring day, where the thaw is beginning? Yeah, that’s probably the best description. I’m not enough of an optimist to go with a one-time thing being a trend. Although, Mikey, our probably Malti-poo is all too happy to have a good thing happening once be an instant classic trend.

So, on the way back to the treatment room, I say a little prayer. Something along the lines of, “help me, God!”

And I decided I was going to try to start a conversation. I started by asking how her day was going so far. Apparently, not that well. But she did say that at least I’d have a nice afternoon when the radiation was done, since it’s sunny and warm today.

At least I can do something with that. So I mentioned I’d be sitting outside with Mikey (our probably Malti-poo).

Well, turns out she’s got two dogs. So we actually had a conversation going.

Maybe God really is behind all this and does have a reason and a goal for the dark beginnings of April. And the sunny March to show me how it could be. Time will tell.

Conclusion – Radiation treatment week 5 – a dark time or an opportunity?

The song playing now is “Light the fire again”, by Brian Doerksen. Yes, there are times when we need a fire relit in us, because it’s pretty much out. Today, it’s more like lighting up an area of me that’s never been lit before.

I realize some people don’t like this song. Don’t think there’s such a thing as lighting the fire again. Sorry – I disagree.

Just so you know, the song and the thought, light the fire again is based on the verses below.

To the Church in Laodicea

Rev 3:14 “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:

These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. 15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 17 You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

Rev 3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

Rev 3:21 To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.”

And the words to the song are –

Don’t let our love grow cold
I’m calling out light the fire again
Don’t let our vision die
I’m calling out light the fire again

You know my heart my deeds
I’m calling out light the fire again
I need Your discipline
I’m calling out light the fire again

I am here to buy gold refined in the fire
Naked and poor
Wretched and blind I come
Clothe me in white
So I won’t be ashamed
Lord light the fire again

As I said, sometimes the fire does need to be lit again. Not that Jesus needs to light His fire, the fire of the Holy Spirit, but ours. When I’m down, I don’t have it in myself to get back up. I need the Holy Spirit to help me.

And when I need to do something new and uncomfortable, that goes much better if I ask for help. And if that means lighting a fire in a different part of me, then so be it.

It’s not the words, literally, that matter. It’s that when we need God, when we need His Holy Spirit, we also sometimes need to acknowledge that we’ve kind of taken over too much. Pushed Jesus to our co-pilot rather than our pilot, co-pilot, and navigator. And sometimes maybe we even get on the wrong “plane” altogether.

So I’ll try to let Him take me on this ride. See where it goes.

Even just with today, I left the treatment session feeling much better than any of the previous days this month. I know it’s better for me emotionally. Spiritually. And I also believe physically. As for the tech? She seemed to be happier, more upbeat than before. Is that me projecting or is it real? Don’t know.

Will it lead to anything further? If God’s setting all this up, I pray it does. But then, as Paul wrote, we try to become all things to all people so that some may be saved. And I might even be, as we say, planting a seed and someone else will see it grow.

It’s OK.

But there is one more thing. It brings out, hopefully, one more good thing to come out of having cancer. A cancer I’m trying not to waste.

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Image by Gidon Pico from Pixabay – modified to be like a dark night

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