Active surveillance for cancer again. Help me overcome my unbelief.

So, it begins again. I started active surveillance for prostate cancer early in 2020. Now, two years later, after surgery for removal became necessary, I'm in active surveillance for cancer again. We'll get to how that happened in a moment. For today though, after going from surveillance to surgery and back to active surveillance, I can't help but think about the guy in Mark's Gospel who asked Jesus, "help me overcome my unbelief".

Active surveillance for cancer again. Help me overcome my unbelief. is article #5 in the series: Do not waste your cancer. Click button to view titles for entire series

How do you get into active surveillance for cancer again?

How did I get back into active surveillance for cancer again? It's surprisingly easy. Especially in times like these, with COVID running rampant and the healthcare system overwhelmed.

This is just one part of a series on my experiences wit faith and prostate cancer. However, if you haven't read the previous ones, here's the series of events that ocurred.

• PSA of 6.x - six point something. I know - rather low. But it was the upward trend that made my doctor to tell me to get it checked because he didn't want to lose me to prostate cancer.
• Biopsy wasn't bad enough for immediate action, so went into active surveillance.
• Six months later, COVID was really bad, so the MRI that was to take place was postponed.
• Another six months, the MRI was done. Nothing showed at all.
• Another six months, another biopsy. Much worse than expected. Surgery was scheduled.
• After biopsy recovery period, prostate was removed.
• Prostate was biopsied, to determine if all cancer was removed and do the decipher test to see how bad the cancer was.
• Cancer was worse than expected and in more areas of prostate.
• Cancer cells also found on the margins, so they didn't get it all.
• Went to hospital that only deals with cancer.

And that brings us up to today's topic. You can follow the links above if you want more info or details on any of the items above. Whether it's for you or someone you know, it might help. That's why this whole series is titled Don't waste your cancer, after a small book of the same title written by John Piper. He is the inspiration behind what I'm writing on this topic.

Help me overcome my unbelief

Before going any further, I must explain the reference to Help me overcome my unbelief. It might seem odd coming from someone who's written so much. And although I did leave God for a while, actually ran away, I can't imagine doing that again.

In fact, somewhere along the line, I wrote something about that. If I can manage to find it, I'll put the link in here. Found it: How can I leave you again? The point was that people who left God and later returned were far less likely to leave again.

In case you don't remember where "help me overcome my belief" is from, here's the passage.

The Healing of a Boy With a Demon - Matthew

17:14-19 pp — Mk 9:14-28; Lk 9:37-42

Funny things happen when we talk about demons, the devil, Satan, Etc. Christians know Jesus spoke of them, including Satan specifically. And we talk about the fallen world. But, when it comes to real life issues for ourselves, we really don't want to talk about them.

The example below is very specific. Therefore, we can tell ourselves it doesn't apply to us, and ultimately that demons aren't real and don't affect us. And yet, we also believe in evil. There is a disconnect there.

A further disconnect comes when we talk about our own failures. For instance, I'm well aware of my own belief that God does watch out for me. I also know that's in the long term sense of having eternity in Heaven after this life is over. And I know the Bible talks about bad things happen, God allows them, and they are always for the ultimate good.

I know these things. And I believe them. But still, there are times I don't live like I believe them. Why is that? We call it doubt about our faith. But where does that doubt come from? How can we believe the Holy Spirit helps us with out faith but not believe there's an opposite/evil spiritual influence encouraging that doubt? I invite you to check out If you don’t believe in the devil, then … for more on the problem on not accepting that Satan exists.

If you do believe in the devil, then what follows makes sense. However, if you're Christian but don't believe in the devil, then I must ask - what do you do with this passage?

Mt 17:14 When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. 15 “Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. 16 I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.”

This is how I felt when my oncologist first told me she wanted me to go on active surveillance for cancer again. Of course, it was a request for me and my situation. But it was Jesus I turned to.

I wish that had been my first thought. It wasn't. My first thought was more like falling off a cliff. Depression. Going back into the surveillance mode that ended up with surgery after the cancer already spread beyond the prostate. I don't believe that's an unusual response. However, for some of us that feeling of initial depression is worse and lasts longer. Please see Christian and depressed. How is that possible? for more on that.

Mt 17:17 “O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 18 Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment.

Does Jesus have that same response for me? I don't know. Nearly seven years ago, I wrote Do you make Jesus pray in vain? Of course, the answer was, and is, yes. I wish it was at least less often. But then, I'm also extremely grateful that Jesus will always be there when I come out of it and do call out to Him.

And then, depending on various things, there's a path out of the depression that begins to be accessible.

For those that think we should be able to "work our own way" out of things, the passage continues.

Mt 17:19 Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

This is the disciples' version of how come we couldn't do it without You?

Mt 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.’” Mt 17:22 When they came together in Galilee, he said to them, “The Son of Man is going to be betrayed into the hands of men. 23 They will kill him, and on the third day he will be raised to life.” And the disciples were filled with grief."